Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. How are YOU going to tackle today? 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? " If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. Beneath George Carlins biting sarcasm and razor-sharp wit lay a heartfelt indignation at the injustices he observed in the world around him. George Carlin. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Save the planet? Because you have the illusion of choice! George Carlin, 76. window.Mobvious = {}; setDisplayBids: function() {}, People cant seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else., Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language and is generally stupid., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person., If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders., If you have selfish and ignorant citizens then you too will become a selfish and bad leader.. " George Carlin 14. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. The future will soon be a thing of the past. } They own all the important land. George Carlin's full name was George Denis Patrick Carlin. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Its a great feeling. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. } Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. g.parentNode.insertBefore(A, g) We cut education, in 50 years, well be so stack with idiots with shitty jobs that we wont have enough money to pay for defense! George Carlin, 85. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Well, we know what they want. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. I mean, life is tough. I love individuals. They own, and control the corporations. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. }, } Quote by George Carlin: "Political correctness is fascism pretending to Manage Settings When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin, 51. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? //Let George Carlin Inspire You! #shorts #georgecarlin #motivataion # At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. page: {requestId: "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", meaningful: "interactive"} Died: June 22, 2008 (aged 71) George Carlin Quotes . Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin, 9. if (a[a9]) return; [.] Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. They own, and control the corporations. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. And the supreme arrogance? . window.Mobvious.device_type = 'mobile'; This video is an ideal way to start your day off on a funny and thought provoking note and stay inspired through. Whether you agree with him or not, Carlins views are definitely worth considering. Men are often so foolish as to boast and value themselves upon their passions, even those that are most vicious. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. What do you say? "https://":"http://";i+=f?g:k;i+=j;i+=h;c(i)}if(!e.ue_inline){if(a.loadUEFull){a.loadUEFull()}else{b()}}a.uels=c;e.ue=a})(window,document); Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. A Death! I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! Topics. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. It doesnt only represent the good things. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. A = p.createElement(s); Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. " Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure. In this blog post, well take a look at some of his best quotes on the subject. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. function getCookieWithoutJQuery(name) { Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question what they read. It always has been. Aw, hes a comedian. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. George Carlin, 61. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. q("f", arguments) 2. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) - Goodreads Its so f***ing heroic. }; And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("surface", "mw"); Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? _Q: [] I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. var e = document.createElement("script"); e.src = "https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41mrkPcyPwL.js"; document.head.appendChild(e); Authors. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin. Your email address will not be published. You should die first, get it out of the way. Your dog thinks you're a god. Its interested in its own power. They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin, 50. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. " George Carlin Quotes "Most of the country was founded by slave owners so they could be free. Born: May 12, 1937. Life is a zero sum game. George Carlin, 36. It will not be with jack-boots. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, 19. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. We are in a country, and in a world that is run by people who brainwash , . Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. }("apstag", window, document, "script", "//c.amazon-adsystem.com/aax2/apstag.js"); We just believed everything. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. The planet is fine. 50 Best John Mulaney Quotes For Every Comedy Fan, 13 Best Writing Tools for Inspired Authors, 30 Of The Best Dale Carnegie Quotes on Having a Great Life, 45+ Enlightening Quotes and Pieces of Advice, Inspirational & Spiritual Quotes From (365) Days of Tumblr, 40 Progressively Inspirational Sevenly.org Quotes, 45 Inspiring Quotations That Will Change The Way You Think #2, 5 Tips To Keep In Mind Before Hiring a Therapist Online, comedy about a singer who pretends to be a nun, friday funny motivational quotes for work, funny quotes about stupidity and ignorance, george carlin don t sweat the small stuff, george carlin on god the planet and the freak show, george carlin sayings that don t make sense, i dont want nobody fucking with me in these streets, positive funny inspirational quotes for work, quotes about getting screwed over at work. Nobody owns anything. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. A.async = !0; a[a9]._Q.push([c, r]) They own you. document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); The people are fucked! 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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck. George Carlin, 52. Electricity is really just organized lightning. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." People are wonderful. Top 10 George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote He loves you and he needs money. 4. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they ought to be. And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. fetchBids: function() { This is the best we can do folks. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if youre really looking.George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. 3. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.George Carlin, Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. George Carlin. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! George Carlin - Quotes, Death & 7 Words - Biography George Carlin Quotes on Religion, Politics, Government & Life - Goalcast If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.George Carlin, When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. If you can connect with theseGeorge Carlin quotes, subscribe to our blog so that you dont miss a single post. googletag.pubads().collapseEmptyDivs(true); Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); What do you get at the end of it? Laugh until you gasp for breath.George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.George Carlin, People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? googletag.pubads().setTargeting("grsession", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); Are these people kidding? [CDATA[ v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves (wikipedia). Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. 1. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. var gptAdSlots = gptAdSlots || []; You have no choice. Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. George Carlin, 27. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("gr_author", "false"); I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. 50 Motivational George Carlin Quotes For Success "Events.SushiEndpoint": "https://unagi.amazon.com/1/events/com.amazon.csm.csa.prod", Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics //]]> Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. (function() { By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. The planet is fine. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Vicious quotes and captions plus a big list of quotations about vicious, xenophobia, and brutal quotes by George Carlin and Francois de la Rochefoucauld. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. }); And fight songs. He was regarded as an influential and significant comic of all time. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. George Carlin Quotes Government George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. In America, anyone can become president. "Boy everyone in this country is running around yammering about their fucking rights. Thats the problem. George Carlin, 58. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. They should be more vivid. Everybodys going to save something now. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. George Carlin Quotes on Politics - LiveAbout Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. ' George Carlin, 56. Top George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. 100 George Carlin Funny Quotes On Religion, Stupid People session: { id: "334-5362882-2183381" }, 4994. Source; . window.csa("Config", { function q(c, r) { Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? Really? The challenge is to find it. Were gonna save the fuckin planet? And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. googletag.cmd.push(function() { George Carlin died on June 22, 2008, from cardiac failure at the age of 71. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They - Newsweek Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Creative Commons. I look at war a little. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Quote by George Carlin - SComedy its only a symbol. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.George Carlin, Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuckGeorge Carlin, I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. [CDATA[ Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question everything that they read Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, 86. And armbands. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. And, let me tell you, theres nothin like it. All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. George Carlin, 69. Keep em showing up at those jobs. George Carlin, 81. Best George Carlin quotes on life, religion and politics 125 Best George Carlin QuotesFunny George Carlin Quotes on Life The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you.