I did not trip and fall. 124. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 143. 224. I am positive. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. Friends buy you food. Ive been doing nothing for years. 243. 2. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. 224. 16. Its okay if people dont like me. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 78. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 167. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Unknown. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. It makes them so damned mad. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. I can create positive change in the world. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. He who laughs last didnt get it. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. 154. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 6. 52. Robert Bloch. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 98. 70. 102. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Theres life without Facebook and internet? How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 130. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate A wishbone. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. The best things in life are free. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? I receive what I believe. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. "If you see me talking to myself. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. And a funny bone., 10. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things Bill Murray. We all need a little energy boost here and there. It makes them so damned mad. Your actions become your habits. 48. Today is a great day. Run. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 68. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. I make the right choices every time. 116. 9. Confidence makes me powerful. 104. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 188. 201. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Chop your own wood. Benjamin Franklin. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Today, I look at my goals. "We . Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Rome wasnt built in a day. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free I didnt want to interrupt her. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 187. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Not me, but somebody does. P.D. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 59. 62. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. The world is missing some pizzazz. You wanna know who Im in love with? Your habits become your values. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. What do you call a bear with no teeth? My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Its a door, thats how they work. 31. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Im describing you. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 8. 176. 268. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. And get over it. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 7. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. 4. 236. Have a look! Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 173. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . I thought you said extra fries. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 106. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Funny Affirmation - Etsy Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 150. 177. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. 206. 156. 87. Looking for positive funny affirmations? If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 3. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Why cant you trust an atom? Microchips. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. 107. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 218. 213. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 75. Why was six scared of seven? 27. 129. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. - Jack London. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Love your enemies. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Milton Berle, 245. 69. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 83. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. - F. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. A mind is like a parachute. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 47. Helen Giangregorio Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Sometimes the M is silent. Not me, but somebody does. 41. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. It was created to do amazing things. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Steve Martin, 254. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. They log in. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Stop trying to make everyone happy. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 275. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 148. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. 222. The thing is, Im still getting ready. 19. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. I didnt want to interrupt her. - Unkmown. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 114. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! 123. Live life to the fullest. Today, I am thankful for this week. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 187. I can always think of something funny to say. 223. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 170. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Ive got three bones. 279. Not a peli-cant. 35. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Helen Giangregorio. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. "Today will be a great day". Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Oh sheet!. 105. 152. Alright, get in the basket. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 28. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. 80. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 221. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Czech proverb, 261. 192. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Friday Affirmations. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Your email address will not be published. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Its called tomorrow. My jokes do. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. - TS Eliot. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 161. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. Pat Sajak, 41. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". 8. 44. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 85. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. I nourish my body every day. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 151. A wishbone. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. What is Mozart doing right now? Be careful when you follow the masses. 12. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 27. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 42. Best friends eat your food. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. It gets toad away. I see food, and I eat it. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 5. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 210. Hes dreaming too. 54. 2. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Ive been doing nothing for years. Funny positive affirmations do work. "Have a great Wednesday. Friends buy you food. Milton Berle I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. I intend to live forever. 271. 61. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! I am calm, patient and at peace. 255. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Who cares about the future? When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. With a cowculator. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Ken Dodd, 255. 230. Run. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. I have a lot to offer. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. - Irish Saying. - Billie Burke. Why is England the wettest country? 109. 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think 269. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. 270. I am lazy till I get a motive. 100. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. It just plain forms. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I breathe in and out. I believe in what's possible for me. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 137. 210. 208. I am intelligent. I am lazy till I get a motive. 8. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. 57. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 72. 121. 140. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 202. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Swimming trunks. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 93. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 239. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 25. 180. 132. 7. When they go away, its a brighter day. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc 32. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Jackie Collins, 240. 84. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 203. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. I am full of vitality. Nothing, they just waved. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 4. Make it inspiring. 1. -Katrina Bowden. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 3. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 7. 102. I tell you what always catches my eye. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 259. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 194. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 38. Thank God Im an atheist. 103. 19. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 213. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Wilson Mizner If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Its okay, he woke up. 76. Education cost money. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Steven Alexander Wright If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 113. Funny Affirmations - Etsy I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 8. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 141. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. And a funny bone. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 50. What is Mozart doing right now? What is the tallest building in the entire world? 25. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I breathe in and out. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 158. 143. 134. 2. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Discover funny affirmations 's popular videos | TikTok My jokes do. 55. 128. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 2. 86. 278. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. 147. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. I just go normal from time to time. 151. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 97. Albert Einstein You cant have everything, where would you put it? 174. My mind is becoming much sharper. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. I am lazy till I get a motive. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. Laughter brings me closer to people. I can do this. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I am awesome. 265. Go to bed with satisfaction.". Really? 189. How do trees access the internet? 237. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. 1. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 13. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? So far, so good. I'm doing great. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] You never run out of things that can go wrong. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. Funny Affirmations. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. I choose to stop obsessing about my body.